the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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