The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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