But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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