College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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