Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
