If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Vodka?
Forever.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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