I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
