My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
they're like a gay fantastic four
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
