Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
