i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
