Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize