bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
