You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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