Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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