Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
