He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
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