just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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