I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
