All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Sext me about skeletons
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
