I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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