My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
