I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You don't make any sense
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