his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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