Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
