we made out on top of his cat.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
