I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
