wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
