I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
