wake up i wanna do it froggy style
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
