i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
