Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
