Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
