I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
