just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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