My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
