he wants to bone in the snuggie
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
