She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
