it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She bit a glass in half.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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