I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
