Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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