My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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