Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
