Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
