god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize