she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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