i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
