I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
