It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
