I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
