her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
