please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
