He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
