everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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