apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
