She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
