I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
