Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
