I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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