sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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