This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
