Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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