highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
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I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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