why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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