if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
