I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
