I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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