the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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