Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
