I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
