Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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