this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
