I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
