So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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