My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
