Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
