i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
