I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
