from now on my penis is your penis
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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