Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
